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Yes - It is December and I am filling in for the last month I missed blogging. I am really proud of those of you who can do it everyday or even once a week. Crazy doesn't even begin to tell you what our household has been like - so briefly - I'll explain...
I finished up the Group HypnoBirthing classes, I was still teaching a private class, my partner decided to go back to Nursing school-so we split our business, I had to re-advertise, re-do the website, change the business name/license, organize my curriculum and homework for my couples, make and send cards to my couples, organize my email templates for future classes, finish up my observation childbirth class for my DONA certification, make checkoff sheets so that I wouldn't miss anything for my class registrations, finished three books for certification & doula training, found a place to teach, get that paid for and sign contracts(which I did, yea!) - and I had to finish up any and all Christmas presents, do Finn's therapy and had doctor's appts. in the small time allotted in between. I barely had time for breathing so the blogging had to stay in my head for the month. So, not an excuse - just an explanation.
To say that I am not grateful for this past year, it's lessons, heartaches and rejoicings - would be a felony. My heart is full for what the Lord has taught me and blessed me with this last year.
He is so aware of our details - it's not always the big stuff that he fixes - he is aware of our details. I found myself turning upwards everyday in thanks for the details being met. I have learned by repeated experiences how our thoughts effect our daily outcomes - what we put out is what we get in return. When I am able to put my worries to the side and thoughts of "the Lord will take care of things - don't worry" replace those thoughts- it happens.
The thought of paying $2000.00 for a walker that Finn needs made my heart sick and I cried. It is so hard to know your child needs something and have zero resources to draw from. It had been even harder on Paul. But - put the worry aside and our therapist then came along with a frame that had been sitting in a clients garage, our families came through with enough money to give me the hope that it would all be OK. The feeling of peace came and we then found a website that offers used equipment for more than 1/2 the cost of new and I am in email contact with several leads. The feeling of peace is key because I know that God is aware of our details.
When I first began teaching my classes, I had a lot of passion behind my teaching because I know it works - it's all the medical jargon I couldn't pronounce that filled me with fear and doubt. I was praying a Dr. wouldn't be in my group and have to correct my pronunciations! But, putting worry aside(which took a lot of effort) - I have sailed through each class without a hiccup and the words have flowed like it's normal language for me. The feeling of peace is there and I know He knows my details.
I suppose the most amazing example of God knowing my details is what happened this month. I didn't think that a partnership ending would be the door that brought Finnley exactly what she needed and what I had been praying so hard for.
I felt the peace inside when my partner and I decided to split. We are still good friends and I wasn't worried about that changing but having to re-do everything that we had done together, finding places to teach etc. was a HUGE and daunting task to face. It freaked me out and I was scared to death - but still I felt peace. Trusting that, I ask that I be in tune enough to follow what he wanted for me.
I wanted to add some aromatherapy options for my couples to use in class and during their birthing times. On the Internet, I found a doctor that works about 4 miles from my house who owns Aroma MD - an organic, medical grade line of oils. I went to his office and picked up a bottle to help me sleep(since the stress wasn't allowing much of that to go on for me) and I spoke with him briefly on a Friday. He was so kind and I again felt that peace while in his office but didn't really think much of it. I went about my day and the feelings came stronger and more intense that I needed to call him on Monday and see if he would be open to me holding classes in his office. I called him on Monday and he said he would be open to it and ask what I would like to pay. We made an appt. for Tuesday and I found myself in his office.
I met with Dr. Hedayat and his office manager. He found out a bit more about me and my classes and then I asked him
what his specialties were so that I could advertise him etc. He told me that in Chicago he was a Neonatal doctor in the intensive care unit(NICU)and that he worked with babies born with Encephalopathy(Finn's initial diagnosis) and Cerebral Palsy (the diagnosis they want to diagnose her with)... the feeling of peace rushed my entire being and I began to cry. It caught us both off guard and he left to get me tissues. I knew at that moment that I was lead to that office and that God answered my prayers yet again. It was overwhelming me to me. I explained why I was crying and he asked me about Finnley. He is the Dr. I have been needing to fill in the gaps with her therapy and medications. He has studied and seen brain injured patients make remarkable progress just by certain brain training exercises and techniques. He explained that brains can go into a "hibernation" of sorts when there is a significant assault to it and by all tests - it can look dead. But with the right stimuli, it can recover or heal parts of it that make up for lost parts. He also said that if we would have left her in the hospital to donate her organs, she most likely would have died with no stimuli. Well, she had stimuli alright!
I walked out of there amazed, awed, thankful and blessed that Heavenly Father knows my details. All of this- the classes, the study, the preparation, the stress and the joys - helped me get to this place. I cried the rest of the week and did Hosanna shouts in my heart. Do we really know how God lovingly guides out lives? Even the hard stuff is moving us towards what is better. I believe that we don't recognize it until we change our outlook and our output -but it's there and it's real.
I begin teaching in Dr. Hedayat's office in January and in the Birth Center downtown(where Finnie was born)in February. I have 3 mom's due in January so it will be a busy month a and I can't wait! Wow - I have so much to be thankful for...
